No more wasted time. Anniversary edition

The truth about my love story time frame.

 It's sad that so much time has been wasted in my relationship with my husband because of our insecurities to stand up for what we wanted, felt and believed. So with five years under my belt and half of a lifetime loving the same person in some degree of the meaning. I am putting an end to wasting time worrying about what anyone thinks about our marriage or relationship that is not in our marriage or relationship. I spent so much time hating myself because I wasn't what fit into this mold of what was pretty, acceptable and wanted by people that have nothing to do with the love my husband and I feel for each other. I spent so much time hating myself because others showed so much hatred towards me, that it started to change the person that my husband fell in love with. I wasted so much time trying to please others that I forgot to please myself. Every major argument my husband and I have ever had during our relationship has never been about us it's always been about others. That's saying something. We have spent so much time worried about why it wouldn't work, why it wasn't the right time, why it might be uncomfortable, why they my not like it, why the bad things are the way they are, why we can't change other people and so much more wasted time. That we completely forgot about all the time that we had backing us telling us why we are right for each other. Why God never let us lose touch. Why we always came back to each other. Why we are friends. What we have. Why we work. Why we are so strong as a couple. 

We aren't going to waste another year, month, day or hour trying to make others accept, approve or be happy about our marriage. About our life together. About our commitment to each other. It's not their time to have it's ours. So this is me saying "F" off! Guess what it's pretty damn obvious neither of us are going to spend any more time wasted on what you think. So either join in on this amazing life we have created or get the hell outta the way and stop wasting OUR damn time. Thanks!

16 years as friends, no matter where life took us we always stayed in contact! 

13 years 3 months 8/9 days started our first tradition of, every new years eve/day with a phone call, email, message, text, hug or kiss. Never missed one New Years!

13 years 4 months 13 days since our official "first date" (according to you! I had no idea it was an actual date!)

10 years since the first "I love you - I love you too" that seemed and felt like it was more than just friends. 10 years 5 months and 1 day to be exact.

9 years since we made our pact that if we weren't married by 30 we would marry each other! (Written on a napkin at sideline sports bar.)

6 years 1 month 2 days since we made it officially official.

5 years since we said I DO

Thanks for being my best friend for over half our lives. Couldn't imagine life without you and glad I don't have to. 

Here's to infinity with you! Love you! 

Day 18 of 30

So I'm doing measurements on day one, day eight, day eighteen and day 30 today is the end of day 18! Measurements are in... Down another 7.5 total body inches and another 2 pounds! Making a total loss of 44.5 total body inches lost and 11 non-fluctuating pounds gone in 18 days! Some measurements went up which didn't bother me because I could tell it was muscle building and the pounds well I'm just learning how this should all really work thanks to good friends and you guys. So hopefully day 30 will be even better! But if not I'm ok with the way I am feeling and these results so far! It's all pretty awesome and amazing!

Day 8 of 30

It's working! It's working! It's working! I've lost 6 pounds and 37 total inches from all over my body in 8 days! I'm in love with how I'm feeling, the energy, the nutrition, the overall amazing health I'm feeling! I honestly can not believe this! Yay! 

Day 4 of my 30

IT IS WORKING!! I can not believe that a product/lifestyle change is working this quickly! Amazed, energized and excited!

First of 30

Ok so I am starting a 30 day "diet" program. Today is the first day and it has been pretty hard to be honest. So I thought I would blog something to keep me accountable. Hoping to see results at the end of my 30 days. We shall see

I want to blog!

I want to blog! I want to blog! I want to blog! But I feel like there are all these rules. Like there is this right and wrong way to do it. I want to join in on all of these fun lists of things to blog about or blog groups but I feel like because I don't blog like the others, my "say" wont be good enough. Or that I am being a copy cat in some way. I know I'm never going to have more than a hand full of "followers" but I feel like I REALLY have things I want to say. Things I think a TON of people can relate to. And hell I can be pretty funny too! I want to just blog as if this were my diary. Like I'm just telling a story of these random things that come into my head or this random life I seem to be living. I want to just be me just for a little while, right here, right here in this little speck of cyber world. I can say exactly how I'm feeling and not feel guarded or feel like I will be now EVERYONE hates me because I've gone and opened my big mouth again! Lol but again is that ok? Can you do all those things and call it a blog? I had this fantastic post about "the real Father's Day" going and I put it into drafts because I don't want to offend anyone. I didn't say anything rude or anything I was just giving props to single moms etc. but there's this itch that someone somewhere is going to have a problem with what I have to say. I also don't want to use proper punctuation and grammar and all of the correct spacing! i want to write one big run on sentence if I feel like it! I get to this dead end every time I start blogging. IS IT OK TO WRITE THIS? I really just want to blog without all the extra that goes with it. Ugh! 

Facebook post I wrote last week. Goes along with tonight's post

Keshia Porcincula

Jun 7 at 10:43pm · 

As I lay in bed at 10:30 on a friday night I am thinking WOW The definition of a nearly summer weekend night has evolved so much for me over the years... High school/teen years: weekends meant best friends, sleep overs, junk food, house parties, Denny's, "the spot" and long drives getting "lost"

College/early twenties: Weekends meant: Canada, dorm parties on high street, house parties, driving home to party with best friends, getting off work to your best friend picking you up and driving over the mountains to camp for the weekend, clubbing, parties, parties and more parties. 

Late twenties/coupled up: weekends meant dive bar hoping, doing whatever the two of you wanted, staying up SLEEPING IN and being free for a couple days. 

Thirties/wife/motherhood: weekends mean: keeping to the schedule, waking up earlier than you want, cuddles, playing all day, outside adventures, seeing the world all over again, learning something new, laughing, smiling from the inside out, living a life you created with little people you created.

This new weekend definition isn't what technically sounds like fun, it's not freeing, it's not crazy, it's not MY own, there's no me time. BUT I wouldn't change the new weekends for anything!

How much is too much?

This post is kind of going along with the last post. Yes I love being a working mother and yes I do feel like I need ME time. But how much is too much time away from your kids?  I hate to be super judgmental BUT I feel like if you work an eight hour shift and add an hour or so commute five days a week that's a lot of time away from your kid(s) to begin with. But it's justifiable, not everyone has the privilege of being a stay at home mom. 

But then there's the weekend, the chance to make up for time lost, right?  In my opinion YES! I don't think it's ok to work all week and then go out Friday night and then maybe also go out for a few hours alone (kidless) on a Saturday afternoon. Leaving mainly Sunday to spend with your child from sun up to sun down. ONE DAY! One day out of the week! That's all the time you think your kids needs DESERVES from you?! That's just crazy! 

Now I know things come up but I so often see via Facebook posts, tweets, blogs, word or mouth and event pages that this is exactly what's going on. There are so many one day a week full time parents. And it is so very sad. 

The time we spend with our children is time we will never regret. It is time that we will never get back. Each and every day they grow up and that opportunity to see them grow will never happen again! 

Will that bar be there? Will that party happen next week, next month, next year? Will that whatever event happen again? I can say with certainty that yes it will. Will your child ever be three years  six weeks and two days old again? No they won't you will not get that day back. You will not get that chance to see them at that stage of life ever again. 

Now don't get me wrong! I am all about me time at least an hour a day! When my kids are tucked away in bed or when my hubby feels like giving me a break! It's is necessary in order not to go nuts! I am also all for a good date night or girls night out! Where anything goes and there's no curfew. But keep it to once a month! 

What I'm calling BS on is when you drop your kid(s) off in the morning half asleep, go to work, pick them up, do dinner and bed that's a span of two hours tops of quality time with your child. AND then you go out every weekend or every other weekend! Not ok in my personal book of parenting. 

Hate me for calling it like I see it. But it makes me sad. It really does. I can't fully go into all the reasons as to why it makes me so sad and why I felt like I needed to vent about it. But I just have this overwhelming ache for the kids with parents that do this. I also feel for the parents because they don't even realize how it looks to others and how much time they are missing out on and how if this type of lifestyle continues how much their kids will be affected later in life. I don't ever want to be that mom that "wasn't there". So I guess what I'm saying is before you RSVP to that next event. Stop and think how much time have I already missed out on with my kid this week, last week or this month. 

Again I'm not trying to say if you go out your a BAD parent. I am simply saying how much time is TOO much time away? 

5 more days!

So I know that I should be posting the "get to know me" posts and all of that official blogger stuff BUT its not in me right now. I promise I will soon!

Right now all I can think is OH MY GOSH!!! 5 more days or work left until summer break!!!!!
I am beyond excited right? WRONG!

This sounds so completely selfish and horrible but work is my ME time. It is a time that I get to be myself, do what I love which is teaching and be out of the house.  There are no crying (screaming) babies, no diapers, no guilty feelings that i should be doing this and that and cleaning and going and going and going.... The end to work means the end to MY world.  

MY eight hours that are all mine with no me plus three or four.  My brain is working on math, language arts, organization, behavior management, life skills and basically helping shape future these other human beings that are not mine. Oh and then there are those moments that I don't get at home those quiet moments when it is just me a pen and papers to grade. SILENCE! oh how I will miss those moments. Also my students can verbally express their appreciation. They say "Mrs. P we love you!" or "Thanks Mrs. P" or "You're the best" etc. There is none of that at home.

I am excited to spend 2 plus months with MY babies the little people I have created OF COURSE!  But i have to admit I am nervous about this summer because overall I feel like I am going to be more overwhelmed with trying to keep up with 3 toddlers than trying to keep up with 90+ high school students. So as my count down to the end of work continues my anxiety builds! What the heck am I going to do all summer! :)

Blogging my way

So here I go again trying this blogging thing. This time I'm not going to have any specific theme or corky tag line. I'm just going to write from the heart about the things that are on my heart and mind. I hope you enjoy my wandering wonderings.